Masturbation – another taboo subject worth speaking about. Should you do it, or should you refrain from it? How is masturbation connected to spirituality? I’ll try to answer these questions in this episode. This topic concerns mostly men, but if you’re a woman, it can also prove to be useful for you.
Although most people masturbate watching porn, these are two completely different things, and should be disconnected from each other. Watching porn has no benefit whatsoever, while masturbation has both positive and negative side effects. Please watch my video titled “Pornography and spirituality” for more information on that matter.
Let’s start with the basics: where does the urge for masturbation come from? Biologically, this act helps conception, it has an evolutionary utility. That’s why even animals do it regularly. For men, it flushes out old, stale sperm from their system, and replaces it with fresh and new sperm that are more alive in the sense that they move more quickly. This increases the chance of conception, especially if the woman was penetrated by more than one person in a short period of time. That’s why even if you never touch yourself, you’ll have a wet dream every month.
For women, masturbation is even more important, because not only does it raise the chance of conception, but it also serves as a protection against infections. Masturbation in general also offers many health benefits, like relief from stress, lowered blood pressure, better sleep, and longer sexual intercourse. The belief that you’ll become blind or that your hands will be hairy is just a myth invented by conservative religions.
Masturbation is also a form of self-pleasure, and any authentic form of spirituality is affirmative of pleasure in general. It releases dopamine and other endorphins in the body which leads to this special euphoric feeling. There’s nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself once in a while, be it food, games or sex. The problem arises when you become addicted to these activities and can’t stop. More about that later.
Masturbation during puberty helps you to get to know your own body on an intimate level, to have a better sex life, to become a better lover. It can be regarded as a training for the real thing, but it should never become a substitute for real sex. You should be intimate with yourself, but not exclusively with yourself. Thus, masturbation can be a tool both to escape and to increase intimacy.
There’s a common belief among spiritual people that sex, but even more specifically masturbation decreases life energy. Sexual energy is in fact no different from life energy, it’s only one aspect of it. Sexual transmutation is the art and practice of transforming libido into creative potential, which I have another video about.
My take on this is that I wouldn’t necessarily want to transform sex into another experience, because sex in itself is so beautiful and sacred. However, masturbation doesn’t even come close to the pleasures of real sex, and if you do it too often, it can be detrimental. Always choose sex instead of masturbation if you can, because when you get old and look back at your life, you won’t say to yourself: Oh, I remember that beautiful time when I used to give myself a handjob. No, you’ll be much more proud of the amazing partners you had, and you’ll cherish those beautiful moments you shared in intimacy.
Recently, there’s been a whole movement emerging about avoiding masturbation called nofap. Its members’ accounts seem to reinforce the idea that regular masturbation dissipates life force. They speak about many incredible benefits, like having more energy, being more confident, having more sex-drive, being less anxious around women, and having more stamina.
It seems there is a debate between those who are for and against self-pleasuring. I feel that the solution is somewhere on the middle ground, as masturbation has both negative and positive effects. The worst thing about it is when it becomes excessive and compulsory: an addiction like any other. In this case, it’s crucial to explore the underlying issue, which is most often a feeling of emptiness. Be very authentic and ask yourself: What am I running away from? Boredom, loneliness, stress? Face your issue head on without relying on a distraction.
So, here’s my formula to get the most out of masturbation while staying away from most of its disadvantages. The first rule is to never watch porn, not just during playing with yourself, but at all. If you watched too much porn in the past, you may find this hard in the beginning, but with time you’ll learn or better to say re-learn it. Do it like our ancestors, completely naturally.
Also, forget about sexual fantasies or memories of past experiences. Instead, concentrate 100% on your body, and feel the surge of energy as it moves through you like waves of an ocean. This will help you stay in the present moment and experience lust in its purest form. I also found that masturbation in nature is much more pleasurable, just make sure that nobody sees you, because in many countries you may face legal consequences.
The third and final rule is to do it once a week, but don’t abstain from it permanently. Why? Well, if you don’t have a relationship, and you don’t even masturbate at all, this tells your body that your sexual functions are not needed. This decreases your libido so much that when you’re about to have real sex, you won’t be able to reach an erection. Keeping your hormones in balance helps to have a balanced sexual life, as well.
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