Ego is the armor of character against the realities of life. By destroying it, you risk madness. But the ego is a madness in itself. Only the quantity of madness separates normal and crazy people. But the same quality of madness can be found in both. You live in a false illusionary world you created in your own mind.
You create this illusion to defend yourself from feeling like a nobody, from feeling that your life is meaningless, from feeling that you are just an animal who will die. You defend yourself, but the walls of your defense become the walls of your prison. At least, in the prison, you can be somebody. You live your life routinely without thinking about the outside world. You choose security instead of freedom.
You have been living in the prison of your own mind for so long that you are scared to come out. When the day of freedom for a long-time prisoner finally arrives, he becomes afraid of the outside world. He got used to the life in the prison so much, doing the same things every day without thinking. And now the outside world seems so infinitely big, full of possibilities and insecurities.
You have been waiting for your freedom from yourself so much. And when I tell you that freedom is possible right here and right now, you prefer to stay in the security of your prison. You choose to be somebody in the prison instead of being a nobody in the real world.
The tragedy of human existence is living as a false personality in-between two truths. You are already not an animal, but not a God yet. You are stuck with yourself right in the middle of the evolution of consciousness. The animal part of you possesses instinct, which is the intelligence of the body. As a human, you have intellect, the intelligence of the mind. Finally, the God inside you has intuition, which is the intelligence coming from the Beyond.
As a baby, you do exist, but you don’t know that you exist. The consciousness of a baby is similar to that of an animal. Completely natural, real and authentic, but unconscious. A baby doesn’t have self-consciousness, which means that he doesn’t have any idea of himself.
That is why you cannot remember anything before the age of 4. A baby doesn’t have a personal history because he is not yet a person. His story starts with the birth of his idea of himself. In fact, memories are not really memories of real events. You remember not the experience itself, but the story you tell yourself about the experience. That is why in almost every memory of yourself, you see yourself from the outside. Memories are your hero-shots you collect in your mind.
The next stage is the stage of the personality. Most people are stuck in this stage and remain here for the rest of their lives. You start to have a “life”, but this means really a collection of memories and ideas about yourself. As a personality, you believe that you exist as part of society.
If you are brave and intelligent enough to see through the premade hero systems that society offers, you start your own, individual journey in heroism. This is called the stage of the individuality. You create your own meanings and acknowledge yourself as a hero in your own system. While personality is a social ego, individuality is a personal one. But no matter which ego you choose, deep down you know that they are fake. You know that you don’t exist, but you want to believe that you do.
To become real again, to become yourself again, you have to step up to the next stage. When you become enlightened, you become true again. Truth does not need reassurance, does not need acknowledgment from others. As awareness, you know that you exist. After spiritual enlightenment, the feeling that “I exist” will be as strong as never before. To know that you exist should be the most obvious thing in the world. Just don’t mix yourself up with what you think about yourself. Separate yourself from the ideas about yourself.
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