True love is love without need, without attachment, without hate, without fear, without possession, without dependence, without control, without jealousy, without direction, without judgment, without passion, without reason, without expectations, and without conditions.
You don’t need love from others because you are its source. Instead, you give love to others whether they need it or not. True love cannot be given to you, it can only be given by you. You don’t get attached to anything or anyone, love is a gentle touch and not a tight grip. True love doesn’t have any opposites because it is not an emotion but a state of being. It doesn’t involve fear, it is not a utility for survival, but an end in itself.
You don’t want to possess your beloved because you are not using him or her for your own gratification. You respect your partner’s independence, and you also wish to remain independent. You don’t want to change or control who you truly love, neither do you control your own feelings.
You never feel jealous, because you don’t expect your partner’s love to have only one direction. You are also capable of feeling love towards more than one person, even for everybody and everything at the same time. True love is like the fragrance of a flower; anybody who comes close may experience it. You love your beloved just like you love a tree in the garden.
You never condemn or judge the other, because just as you accept yourself totally, you totally accept everybody else, too. Ordinary love is like a fire, and it burns down pretty fast. True love is more like a cool breeze constantly blowing. Only true love can last forever, and only forever lasting love is true. Anything that appears and disappears is illusory.
You cannot force true love, it can only happen to you, just like everything essential in life. You don’t expect anything from someone you truly love. You don’t love somebody for his or her appearance, achievements or other qualities. You love the other for who he or she is, without any reason. Only unconditional love is real, and only this kind of love gives meaning to life.
In true love, you completely forget about yourself, and you become love itself. It is not that you feel love, but you are love. It is not an emotion but a quality of being. A state of mind, or rather, a state of no-mind. Thinking stops, time stops, and space stops. You become one with who you love. If you can love the whole universe, you can experience universal oneness and attain enlightenment.
So how do you move from ordinary love to true love? The first thing is to know the difference between the two. Remember their qualities, and try to notice their signs in yourself. Be more aware of yourself, sometimes just stop, and simply watch what is happening inside you. If you catch any negative qualities attached to your love, make a mental note, and be very authentic with yourself. Recognition is the first step to change.
Second, let yourself literally fall in love. Move from the head to the heart, stop thinking and start feeling. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking about your feelings. Don’t verbalize, don’t analyze, don’t rationalize. Don’t repeat to your partner “I love you” automatically like a robot. Before you say it, stop for a second to feel it with your whole being.
Let your heart warm up, sense the invisible connection that unifies you two. When you love someone, try to feel whether it is coming from the head, or whether it is coming from the heart. Follow the old wisdom: follow your heart.
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