Having great sex is an amazing, almost spiritual experience. I teach you to be total in all experiences of life, and sex is not an exception. It can be just an unconscious and ugly compulsion to be finished with as soon as possible, or a transcendental encounter and a doorway to enlightenment. It depends only upon you how you approach the matter.
The key to great sex is not having a perfect body or the perfect technique, it’s much more about the attitude and the mindset. If you have these set up right, most other things will follow, and you’ll not only become a better lover, but more confident, more attractive and more satisfied in general.
Sex also plays an important part in keeping your relationship with your partner. An unsatisfying sex life can often lead to break-up or divorce, while an amazing time in bed will glue the partners together for a long time. By becoming better at sex, you not only benefit yourself, but make your beloved happier too.
With that said, let’s start the list with the most important tip, and that is to have passion. It’s certainly impossible to have wild, mind-blowing, amazing sex without passion. This goes back to what I said earlier: don’t look at sex as a chore to be done with, as a responsibility to your spouse, as a duty equal to doing the laundry. Instead, treat sex as a sacred experience, make it a ceremony, have fun with it.
Be enthusiastic about your partner and about sharing your sexual gifts with another person. Initiate sex more often, and be more active in bed, too. If you’re a woman, don’t just lie there like dead wood waiting for the ordeal to be over. If you’re a man, don’t just use your girl to blow your load, to be relieved of stress.
If you’re truly and deeply passionate, your enthusiasm will infect your sexual partner, as well. And when you notice your lover becoming more passionate, the passion will rise even higher in you, and the circle goes on until you both climax. Sex is a soup best served hot, when it turns cold, it’s spoilt.
The second tip I have for you is quite self-evident: lead a healthier lifestyle. Women but especially men are biologically hardwired to look for a healthy mate, because that will ensure that their children will be healthy as well, thus raising the chances of their survival, and in the end ensuring passing the parents’ genes to the next generation.
That’s why unconsciously men are so preoccupied with how the women look. It’s not a sexist thing, it’s biological. While for women looks are not the first criteria in men, it still is a decisive factor. However, being healthy is not only a key to be more attractive, it’s even more crucial for your own sake. You’ll feel better in your skin, your mind will be more peaceful, you’ll have more appetite for sex, and more stamina in bed.
The third tip for great sex is to know your own body. Nobody else can get to know your body like you, nobody else can be as intimate as you with yourself. Self-intimacy is really the first step to be intimate with others, just like loving yourself is the first step to love others. Know your body, love your body, and enjoy your body.
Explore the sexuality of your body, be loving and intimate with it. Discover what you like and dislike through masturbation, and then share it with your partner. If you yourself don’t know what’s pleasurable for you, then how could your lover guess it? If you’re unable to reach orgasm on your own, why do you expect it from somebody who doesn’t know you as much as you know yourself?
However, it’s also nearly as important to know your partner. To know your partner’s personality, likes and dislikes, erogenous zones, and general sexual taste. Sex can be a truly amazing experience when you are on the same wavelength, when you love each other deeply, and when you can satisfy your lover’s innermost desires.
That’s why it’s recommended to be in a long-term relationship instead of chasing one-night stands. The first occasion with anyone is usually quite awkward, there’s more anxiety from both sides and less flow. Most often than not, couples need multiple times together to get the most out of sex, so that it gets as satisfying as possible.
Contrary to what I just said, my fifth tip for great sex is to embrace variety, which also means having multiple partners. Don’t just settle for the first girl or guy that comes your way, don’t be so desperate to think that you don’t have a chance with others. Especially if you’re young, explore and experiment, because the more experience you have, the better you’ll be at sex. And the better you become, the better lovers you attract. Give your future wife or husband the gift of being an amazing and experienced sexual partner.
Don’t forget to embrace variety in your actual relationship as well. This advice goes hand-in-hand with my first tip about passion. If you’re passionate about something, you want to explore it from many aspects, you want to get the most out of it. When there’s no variety in sex, the magic will disappear very quickly. Be creative in bed, try out new positions, new places, new techniques. Surprise your beloved to keep the spark alive.
Perhaps the biggest secret of great sex is to keep the focus on the other. This comes naturally if sex is the outflowing of pure love. Your aim should be to satisfy the other, to give your lover the best time of his or her life, to blow your partner’s mind. Give away your love, give away your sexual gifts freely without expecting anything in return.
If you concentrate on your own gratification, if you focus on what you can get out of sex, then you’re just using your partner as an object, and all the intimacy and sacredness will be lost. In this case, sex is nothing more than mutual masturbation, it loses its true value, it becomes an ugly thing. Mutual pleasure is not necessarily equal to true connection.
That’s the other reason why knowing your partner is crucial: to be able to satisfy him or her better. Get to know the opposite sex in general, and become more familiar with the art of love-making. That’s where my next point comes in: educate yourself about sexuality. Don’t be shy about it, don’t think it’s weird, because it’s not. Only your religious and social conditioning may make you think it’s strange, otherwise it’s a subject like any other.
You may think you know how to do sex naturally, but I’m sure it’s possible to enhance your sexual life even more. At first it will indeed be strange trying to memorize a new technique, and then perform it in bed. But after this initial learning stage, it has to become your second nature.
That’s exactly my next tip for great sex: get out of your head. Nowadays, sexuality has gone too much up into the head, because it is repressed on the lower natural levels. For many people, fantasizing about sex has become more satisfying than actually taking part in it. So when you’re having sex, forget about all thoughts and just be in the moment.
If you’re in your head, you’ll become anxious, and you’ll make your partner anxious too. You may easily have problems with erection if you’re a man or with having an orgasm if you’re a woman. Thinking about sex kills the moment, because thinking about anything kills your true connection with it.
My next point that goes hand-in-hand with this one is to surrender yourself to sex totally. There’s nothing more arousing than a man or a woman losing himself or herself in the pure energy of sexuality. Don’t be afraid to lose your self-control, and then at the climax you have a chance to lose your egoic self as well.
Don’t hold anything back, don’t believe that it’s a sin, don’t be divided inside. Let this beautiful life energy overwhelm you, become one with its power, and you’ll become one with your lover. Don’t let your mind divide you, demolish all the barriers. Surrendering yourself is what truly makes this a spiritual experience.
My final bonus tip to having truly amazing sex is to be more conscious. Self-consciousness means being in your head, criticizing yourself and thinking about your next move. Consciousness is totally different. You remain just a witness to what’s happening, without any judging, without any planning, without any thinking.
You still have to forget about yourself, but remain aware of the present moment. You soak in every inner experience, every sensory perception, every little detail. You become sensitive and receptive, yet detached and peaceful all at the same time. This small change in your awareness will transform your whole sexual life, this is the trick to transmute it into a true spiritual experience, and in the end to transcend sex altogether.
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Memento Mori!
Ander Graun
May 19, 2022 (14:57)
In my view, You can improve your sexual experience with the same partner. Both learn and know better from each other through time. One can always discover new things in the already known person. It’s a matter of attitude from both.